TRUTH OF MARRIAGE

The Truth of Marriage

“The basic way in which any society is built depends on marriage. Whenever two people give themselves to each other and, between them, give life to children, this touches the holiness, the mystery of human existence, which goes beyond the realm of what I can control and dispose of. I simply do not belong to myself alone. There is a divine mystery within each person. That is why the association of husband and wife is regarded within the religious realm, the sphere of the sacred, of being answerable before God…this fully corresponds to human dignity. Human life is not an experiment. This is not a commercial contract, but a surrender of myself to another person. Only in the form of a love that is entire and unreserved is the self-giving of one person to another commensurate with the essence of man.

“We must think of love as suffering. Only if we are ready to endure it as suffering and thus ever again to accept each other and once again to take the other to ourselves, only then can a life-long partnership develop. If, on the contrary, we say when we get to the critical point, I want to avoid that, and we separate, then what we are really renouncing is the true opportunity that is to be found in man and woman being turned toward each other and in the reality of love.” (Pope Benedict XVI, in Benedict, Ignatius Press 2012, pp. 290, 295).

We may consider the following. Jesus calls us his bride, and he uses marriage as a picture of his relationship to the Church and to each one of us as his followers. He personally washes his church. Then there is the “S” word – submission. Submission does not imply inferiority. God made Eve out of the side of Adam, to be bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh – his equal – his companion.  Submission does not imply inferiority in any way. It is a voluntary reliance on another in perfect trust. In fact, the Apostle Paul says that we are all to submit to each other. Wives to submit to husbands, husbands to wives, and both to Christ.

Further, husbands are to be the leaders of the family, the pastors at home. And men are to love their wives as Christ loves the Church, and even died for her. Correspondingly, wives are co-pastors to their families. Leadership at home is primarily a spiritual responsibility. Consult Eph. 5, 21 – 23:  “This is a great sacrament, and I refer it to the love of Christ for the Church” (St. Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians, 5, 21).  The sacrament (“mysterion”) is the salvific plan realised in Christ. Marriage is inserted into the wider context of Christ’s salvific work, thereby having itself a redemptive function. God’s plan (“mysterion”) is historical, Christological and ecclesial. So is marriage. Husband and wife make present Christ’s love for the Church, and Christ’s love for the Church makes present God’s love for mankind.

The conjugal love of Christian spouses is one of the specifics of the divine salvific reality. That is, marriage is the specific venue of the reconciling ministry of Christ. Christian marriage is inserted into the sphere of redemption. The fundamental economy of Christianity, the fruitful unity of Christ and his church, is realised anew in every Christian marriage. Since a symbol not only points to but also effects (brings about) the reality, we may say that Christ, as it were, is waiting for Christian spouses to love one another in order that through them he could express his love for the Church. Christ is “enabled” by spousal love to act upon the world. By their love, married partners place the sign of Christ’s love for the Church. Christian marriage is the specific venue of Christ’s action of restoring harmony in the world and creation.

May God richly bless your marriage!