EPITAPHS

ACTUAL EPITAPHS FROM GRAVESTONES

Harry Edsel Smith of Albany, New York:
Born 1903-Died 1942
Looked up the elevator shaft to see if the
car was on the way down.
It was.
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 In a Thurmont, Maryland, cemetery:
 Here lies an Atheist
 All dressed up
 And no place to go.
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 In a Georgia cemetery:
 "I told you I was sick!"
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 On the grave of Ezekial Aikle in East
 Dalhousie Cemetery, Nova Scotia:
 Here lies Ezekial Aikle, Age 102.
 The Good Die Young.
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 In a London, England cemetery:
 Here lies Ann Mann,
 Who lived an old maid
 But died an old Mann.
 Dec. 8, 1767
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 In a Ribbesford, England, cemetery:
 Anna Wallace:
 The children of Israel wanted bread,
 And the Lord sent them manna.
 Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife,
and the Devil sent him Anna.
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 Playing with names in a Ruidoso, New Mexico, cemetery:
 Here lies Johnny Yeast.
 Pardon me
 For not rising.
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 Memory of an accident in a Uniontown,
 Pennsylvania, cemetery:
 Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake.
 Stepped on the gas
 Instead of the brake.
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 In a Silver City, Nevada, cemetery:
 Here lays Butch.
 We planted him raw.
 He was quick on the trigger
 But slow on the draw.
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 A lawyer's epitaph in England:
 Sir John Strange.
 Here lies an honest lawyer,
 And that is Strange.
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 Someone determined to be anonymous in Stowe, Vermont:
 I was somebody.
 Who, is no business
 Of yours.
 ******************************
 Lester Moore was a Wells, Fargo Co. station agent for Naco, Arizona,
 in the cowboy days of the 1880s. He's buried in the Boot Hill
 Cemetery in Tombstone, Arizona:
 Here lies Lester Moore.
 Four slugs from a .44.
 No Les; No More.
 ******************************
 John Penny's epitaph in the Wimborne, England, cemetery:
 Reader, if cash thou art
 In want of any,
 Dig 4 feet deep;
 And thou wilt find a Penny.
 ******************************
 On Margaret Daniel's grave at Hollywood Cemetery Richmond, Virginia:
 She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her.
 ******************************
 In a cemetery in Hartscombe, England:
 On the 22nd of June,
 Jonathan Fiddle
 Went out of tune.
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 Anna Hopewell's grave in Enosburg Falls, Vermont, has an epitaph
 that sounds like something from a Three Stooges movie:
 Here lies the body of our Anna -
 Done to death by a banana.
 It wasn't the fruit that laid her low,
 But the skin of the thing that made her go.
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 More fun with names with Owen Moore in Battersea, London, England:
 Gone away
 Owin' more
 Than he could pay.
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 On a grave from the 1880s in Nantucket, Massachusetts:
 Under the sod and under the trees,
 Lies the body of Jonathan Pease.
 He is not here, there's only the pod.
 Pease shelled out and went to God.
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 The grave of Ellen Shannon in Girard, Pennsylvania, is almost a consumer
 tip:
 Who was fatally burned March 21, 1870, by the explosion of a
 lamp filled with "R.E. Danforth's Non-Explosive Burning Fluid"
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 In a cemetery in England:
 Remember man, as you walk by,
 As you are now, so once was I.
 As I am now, so shall you be.
 Remember this and follow me.

 To which someone replied by writing on the tombstone:
 To follow you I'll not consent
 Until I know which way you went.