DOING VS, BEING
Do you ever feel like your life is a little bit like being on a hamster
wheel? Each morning, you hop on the wheel and rush through your day only to
feel exhausted and stressed. And the next day, you have to get up and do it all
over again. It’s an endless and exhausting cycle where we race from one thing
to the next hoping to find happiness and a sense of worth. Unfortunately, that
sense of happiness and boost of self-confidence that we chase remains just out
of reach.
It’s so easy to get stuck in the mind-set that the more you accomplish,
the happier you will be. We often tell ourselves, “If I can just get that
promotion/lose twenty pounds/buy a bigger house/be in a relationship/have
children, then I will be happy.” We’re constantly seeking and calculating what
more we need to achieve in order to find happiness. The trouble is, we often
find that even if we achieve those things, happiness remains elusive. Losing
twenty pounds doesn’t make you happier in the long term. Buying a new house
doesn’t guarantee an instant dose of happiness. Getting a raise or promotion
also comes with an increased workload and related stress. Feeling continually
unfulfilled, we wonder, “What else do I need to do earn happiness?”
Uncovering
the Hidden Source of Happiness
In my psychotherapy practice, I often see my clients struggling with
this. In my office, they wonder aloud what more they need to do to feel less
anxious, less depression, less stressed. It’s almost as if we think that if we
can unlock the secret and find out what step we need to take, we can uncover
hidden sources of happiness. This never-ending quest for happiness can feel
like an unforgiving cycle of dreaming, pursuing, achieving, and eventual
disappointment. We want to be happy, and that’s not a bad thing, but perhaps we
are approaching it in the wrong way and looking for it in all the wrong places.
But, unfortunately, that’s not how it works.
Why? Because, living this way actually puts happiness on hold and
deprives us of fulfilment in the present moment. By keeping our focus on the
future, we are implicitly telling ourselves that we can’t be happy right now
because the conditions aren’t quite right. It’s like living in a holding
pattern devoid of happiness and fulfilment.
What if instead of focusing on doing, we focused on
just being? Instead of feeling restless in our relentless pursuit
of happiness, we could feel at peace right now when we make this mind-set
switch. St. Augustine’s famous quote, “Our hearts are restless, O Lord, until
they rest in you,” is particularly relevant when reflecting on the search for
happiness.
Step
off the Hamster Wheel
On the surface, focusing on being can seem deceptively
simple and it might even sound counterintuitive. We’re so used to pairing
happiness with achievement and accomplishment that focusing on simply being can
seem laughable. But stepping off the hamster wheel of life creates space and
time to experience joy in the present moment. Adjust your perspective from
focusing on hoping for happiness in the future to finding moments of joy in the
present.
Examples of embracing simply being include practicing
gratitude, focusing on the present moment (not worrying about the past or
future), and being in nature. When you practice gratitude, you are
intentionally calling to mind the good that is happening in your life right
now. For example, if you are going through a stressful season in life but your
family and friends have stepped up to support you, that’s a reason to be
grateful. Or, if the weather is particularly wonderful today, that’s a reason
to be grateful. Intentionally calling to mind these reasons for gratitude
grounds you in the present moment and helps you to focus on just being.
Similarly, being mindful of your present surroundings, especially in
nature, can help you find peace and fulfilment right now. One study found
that spending time in nature reduces stress and other studies have
found that it can improve your mood, lower blood pressure, and improve your
sleep quality. All of these factors can contribute to facilitating a sense of
peace in the present. Like practicing gratitude, you are focusing on your
current state of being rather than on doing some
more.
Practice
Mindfulness
Another helpful way to peacefully focus on just being in
the present moment is to practice mindfulness. Rd. Gregory Bottaro has
developed a course and book that
guides you through how to practice mindfulness from a Catholic worldview. In a
nutshell, the practice of mindfulness helps to ground you in the present
moment, draw you closer to God, and allows you to free yourself from anxieties
and worries. It’s an effective way to take your focus from “What more must I do
to be happy?” to “I feel a sense of peace right here in this moment”.
Remember, your worth doesn’t lie in how much you’ve accomplished in
life. Instead, your worth lies in who you are as a daughter or son of God.
Achievements and accomplishments can’t change that and this is important to
remember. It takes the pressure off of you to constantly reach for the next
accomplishment. And it frees you to just be.